I considered not writing this. Of course we like David Silva. Everybody likes David Silva. My grandmother has a David Silva tattoo (she tattooed David Silva’s face over her face) and my dog has a David Silva poster tacked to the side of his body (he requested it I promise). Every household in the world has a similar story. I understand that. I can add very little to the conversation.
But then again, we do really, really like David Silva.
I consider myself an expert on movies in which people get blown up. I’ve seen all of them. If there was a cohesive box set containing all the movies in which people get blown up called “People Getting Blown Up,” I wouldn’t buy it because I have seen them all already. So I think that establishes my expertise. As a corollary, I am an also an expert on cool.
There are two ways for a person to be so fucking cool that the vuvuzelists of Toblerone Jones will lose their shit over you. You can be the calm one, emotionless under pressure as you unflinchingly punch grenades into terrorists faces. Or you can be the raging one, incapable of separating your emotions from your work. The one that snarls as you eschew the seemingly more effective bombs in order to explode your enemies’ faces with your Galapagos tortoise sized fists.
David Silva is the first man to ever pull off being both simultaneously. On the field he is the picture of effortless calm. He often finds himself surrounded by three or four defenders with the ball at his feet, but instead of upping his tempo and inadvertently wrong-footedly giving the ball away, Silva continues to simply do Silva. Quick small touches, a hair flick, a body feint, those weird sideburns, and he always seems to find enough space to lay down the pass without ever overexerting himself. Cool Foot Paul Newman. Then the camera pans in for Silva’s well-deserved close up and his face is all Vinny Jones.
An often-overlooked aspect of cool is that one has to actually be able to blow people up. It’s not enough to simply be calm or angry. You need results. David Silva provides results. He is an incredible, incredible talent. He’s everywhere on the field seemingly at once. He’ll start the build up with an interception at midfield, and then shovel the ball off to himself facing the goal thirty yards out. A few nifty touches and he finds enough space to easily slot the ball past three defenders upfield, where he stands with his back to the goal. He shields the ball for a few moments, maintaining possession and buying time, in order to slot it back to himself for a skimming shot towards the post.
Then the opposing team is blown up in a massive explosion as David Silva slips on a pair of Ray-Bans.
Now here’s a video of David Silva dribbling through Les Chapman’s legs.