Players We Like: David Silva

PARTY PARTY PARTY

I considered not writing this. Of course we like David Silva. Everybody likes David Silva. My grandmother has a David Silva tattoo (she tattooed David Silva’s face over her face) and my dog has a David Silva poster tacked to the side of his body (he requested it I promise). Every household in the world has a similar story. I understand that. I can add very little to the conversation.

But then again, we do really, really like David Silva.

I consider myself an expert on movies in which people get blown up. I’ve seen all of them. If there was a cohesive box set containing all the movies in which people get blown up called “People Getting Blown Up,” I wouldn’t buy it because I have seen them all already. So I think that establishes my expertise. As a corollary, I am an also an expert on cool.

There are two ways for a person to be so fucking cool that the vuvuzelists of Toblerone Jones will lose their shit over you. You can be the calm one, emotionless under pressure as you unflinchingly punch grenades into terrorists faces. Or you can be the raging one, incapable of separating your emotions from your work. The one that snarls as you eschew the seemingly more effective bombs in order to explode your enemies’ faces with your Galapagos tortoise sized fists.

David Silva is the first man to ever pull off being both simultaneously. On the field he is the picture of effortless calm. He often finds himself surrounded by three or four defenders with the ball at his feet, but instead of upping his tempo and inadvertently wrong-footedly giving the ball away, Silva continues to simply do Silva. Quick small touches, a hair flick, a body feint, those weird sideburns, and he always seems to find enough space to lay down the pass without ever overexerting himself. Cool Foot Paul Newman. Then the camera pans in for Silva’s well-deserved close up and his face is all Vinny Jones.

Daaaayyyyyyyyuuuuumn David.

An often-overlooked aspect of cool is that one has to actually be able to blow people up. It’s not enough to simply be calm or angry. You need results. David Silva provides results. He is an incredible, incredible talent. He’s everywhere on the field seemingly at once. He’ll start the build up with an interception at midfield, and then shovel the ball off to himself facing the goal thirty yards out. A few nifty touches and he finds enough space to easily slot the ball past three defenders upfield, where he stands with his back to the goal. He shields the ball for a few moments, maintaining possession and buying time, in order to slot it back to himself for a skimming shot towards the post.

Then the opposing team is blown up in a massive explosion as David Silva slips on a pair of Ray-Bans.

Now here’s a video of David Silva dribbling through Les Chapman’s legs.

Now that…

…is cool.

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24 Responses to Players We Like: David Silva

  1. Milt says:

    Scarves. Gloves. Long sleeved stretchy top under team kit. Three reasons why he’s not THAT cool. He also has a face like a gregarious, domestic rodent. Guinea pig, perhaps.

    In summary, he’s no me.

  2. Milt says:

    And another thing. Tevez – either fuck off or don’t fuck off, but don’t piss around. Leave in a blaze of acrimony, stay and be a hero, but don’t be a hand-forcing, moping twat. Be a man. Live and die on your feet.

    I write this because I know you’re trawling the inter web for my comments.

    • andypants says:

      Bro, do you know where Tevez grew up? He knows more than anyone about living and dying on your feet. We do appreciate the comments though.

      • Milt says:

        Not really arsed about that, and not questioning it. Although if he had it so shite growing up, does that not put his petulance into context? The whining get threw a hissy fit because he didn’t get on quick enough. It’s not like someone killed his ageing aunt to steal her purse to score some crack, is it?

        Several thousand people who pay this multi-millionaire’s wages spent a few hundred quid they could possibly ill-afford to support the team he represents – their team, not his – and they deserve better than his histrionics, even if they are all mancunian, egg-stained denim clad bellends. To a man. You especially, the Gallaghers.

        My apologies if the living-and-dying-on-feet comment struck the wrong chord. I’ll stick to the basics. He’s a professional and he should fucking well act like one.

        • andypants says:

          The supporters don’t pay his wages, Sheikh Mansour does. It’s not their club, it’s his. That’s the problem with City.
          Tevez is a shit for acting out but it’s clearly the result of poor leadership on Mancini’s part. Really the Italian should be the one catching the most flack for all this. But English sporting culture has an obsession with blind obedience to the nominal authority, however incompetent.

  3. Milt says:

    Easy there, Adam Smith. It’s contractual obligation rather than nominal authority. The rest of Mancini’s charges seem to be doing their bit, for now. Playing when they’re told to, sitting down when they’re not.

    The rest, you can argue til you’re blue in the face and it just depends which side of the fence you sit on. You’re sitting on the wrong side, but we’re all entitled to be wrong. Mansour might own the deeds but they’d be worth fuck all without the fans. Possession might be nine tenths of law, but that still leaves one tenth. It’s not Mansour’s club.

    • andypants says:

      There’s no clause in his contract that says Tevez has to do what the manager tells him to do at any time. And it’s not all Tevez–Mancini has a history of alienating players. Balotelli, Roque Santa Cruz, Craig Bellamy, Emmanuel Adebayor, Jerome Boateng. It’s easy to blame the players for it but when it happens with so many in such a short time you have to wonder.

      Mansour doesn’t care what the club is worth, the club is little more than a hobby to him. He just wants “his” team to win the Champions League so his kids will think he’s cool. I don’t think you really grasp the extent of obscene luxury the guy has enjoyed for his entire life.

      • Milt says:

        Oh, and Bellamy and Ballotelli are both knobs. Plain to see. You can’t blame Mancini for that. And Santa Cruz is a big fatarse, so he deserves to be mocked by all.

        • andypants says:

          Nearly all professional footballers are knobs. Most managers are able handle them. The art of getting knobs to willingly–eagerly–do what you tell them to is a manager’s most important skill set. Mancini is blatantly incompetent at it, and should have lost his job long ago, or never gotten it in the first place.

  4. Milt says:

    The stuff on contracts is semantics. There’s nothing in my contract that says I can’t ignore a direct order from my superiors (just checked, so im going in tomorrow in just a bra. On my head), but there’s stuff about gross misconduct and I reckon Growly will have the same type of wording in his.

    I grasp Mansour’s wealth no probs. You’ve hit the nail on the head with “hobby”, though. His interest is portable. If football becomes shit, he’ll piss off with his cash and city will be back to where they were two years ago. The club will go on.

    If the fans fuck off, he’ll be left trying to convince David Silva to stay and play in an empty field in front of no cameras to a tv audience of zero in a game that no-one has any interest in. The club will die with Mansour.

    The only thing that can’t be branded or barcoded in this day and age is the soul of the game, and football can’t exist without it. No fans, no Mansours. Therefore, the fans’ club.

    • andypants says:

      Semantics matter a hell of a lot in multimillion dollar contracts. How else do you think lawyers make their exceedingly comfortable livings?

      And you’re still wrong, because the players didn’t join for the fans. They joined for money. They’re all mercenaries. None of them, except maybe Joe Hart and Micah Richards, actually give so much as half a shit about the club, its history, its fans, or its “soul”. The football won’t go to shit because the players Mansour bought are all exceptionally talented and will do well, and if they don’t cut it he’ll just buy more, because he can, because he has effectively unlimited money. Money built Manchester City as we know it today and money will keep it up where it is. Manchester City is a brand now, all top tier clubs are. The fans are in the weakest position of everyone.

  5. neilsandwich says:

    You two are having fun, but this is the kind of conversation I don’t really care to have here. It’s irrelevant. Tevez being a knob or not being a knob has nothing to do with Silva’s awesomeness. I only bring it up because I feel like City’s business can distract from the quality of some of it’s players.

  6. Jude says:

    That’s Tevez dribbling through his legs, not Silva.

    I think they’re both cool.

  7. Pingback: The Illustrated Manchester Derby: City 6 - 1 United like you've never seen | Surreal Football

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