The Champions League is coming. As our annual war atop Olympus approaches, the angry gods gather themselves and prepare for the bloodbath. The TV money is gonna be insane. Spectacular spectacular.

We like Bayern Munich. No, seriously we do. It’s kind of our thing. But what does that really mean for their Champion’s League hopes? Let’s find out:

Nothing really. All it actually means is that we like them. Honestly, what more do they want? We’re just a couple of incredibly handsome and independently wealthy “aspiring bloggers” (ladies). We can’t affect results at the top levels of European football, no matter how many chickens we ritualistically slaughter in voodoo rituals (LADIES). But if we could affect the results, even if it was just an odd away goal here or there, we would do it for Bayern Munich in a heartbeat.

They are an easy team to love. I honestly don’t know why they aren’t everybody’s favorite team. Maybe people prefer a team that pretends to care about defense. Or maybe people prefer a team whose best player doesn’t do this.

But those reasons seem petty when you actually sit down and watch that midfield move. It’s overwhelming. Imagine how it must feel as an opposing defense staring down the Bayern Munich attack. Bastian Schweinsteiger’s massive head would rise pointing and shouting above the fray as Robben, Muller, and Ribery cut you up with their liquid swords.

And on top of that, you’d have to deal with Phillip Lahm bolting up the sideline and cutting onto his strong (wrong) foot at unpredictable times. It seems every team has a wrong footed wing or wing back these days, but back when Lahm was scoring goals like this it really wasn’t that common. He’s an original, or at the very least a pioneer.

Pundits love it when soccer is played with a scalpel. Bayern Munich plays with a wood chipper.

Ride of the Bavarians.

Check out the rest of the Big Boys here.